Darth Dad
Character List
Anakin Skywalker: single father of twins
Palapatine: Leader of the Galactic Empire, friend of Anakin
Luke Skywalker: son of Anakin, young
Leia Skywalker: Daughter of Anakin, young
Scene
Christmas near the capital city of Coruscant. A large high-rise apartment on the 300th floor with a beautiful view of the three moons setting to the East, North and West. An overworked single father of twin 7-year-olds sits down with a glass of wine with his best friend discussing getting a puppy for his children. The kids can be seen just around the corner listening in.
Anakin
Palapatine I am not sure if getting a puppy is a good idea. I'm gone all day and the kids are at day care I am worried the dog will destroy the apartment.
Palapatine
Since their mom died you have given them everything they asked for, you don't want to spoil them!
(The children rush into the room very excited!)
Leia
Papa how can you say that? Were not spoiled! Well I'm not spoiled anyway maybe Luke is!
Luke
No you are!
( He lifts his arm and his sister flies above the room)
Anakin
Luke put your sister down this instant young man! OK now that you know what Papa and I were talking about I guess I will be forced to let you guys weigh-in on it. Do you really think you are ready for the responsibility of the new dog? Do you realize how many times a day you have to bring him to the animal virtual Park?
Leia and Luke together
Yes!!
Leia
I have always been responsible, daddy pleaseeeeee. I will walk him and brush him and take care of him and even let him sleep on my bed
Luke
I am twice as responsible as she is and I will teach them the ways of the force and we will battle evil together like you and Papa did!
Anakin
okay you guys have convinced me we will all go together tomorrow to pick one out.
Palapatine
you give in to them to easy....you know that dear friend don't you?
Anakin
What can I say... I'm a sucker.
Luke
Dad you are not going to regret this! We will call him Newt!
Leia
Not Newt! That’s a horrible name. He was a corrupt Viceroy! Lets name HER Mon Mothma after the greatest female leader ever!
Palapatine
She did end the civil war and crush the rebellion
Luke
Ok I guess but lets just call her Mon, Mon Mothma is too long and I want it to be a boy puppy not a girl puppy.
Leia
Lets Force Fight for it!
Anakin
Kids! No not after the lazer incident of last summer, not in the house anyway!
Palapatine
Oh Anakin let the kids have some fun
Luke and Leia together
Yeah! Papa !
(Luke and Leia face off concentrating hard and staring at each other. After a few moments Luke begins to rise up and hover over the room.)
Leia
ha ha I win
Luke
no fair, I wasn't ready, let's do it again!
Leia
Nope Mon Mothma will be the cutest little girl puppy ever, I'm going to even get her a pink leash.
Luke
DAD!!! Nooooo
Palapatine
don't pout Luke your sister won fair and square, although I think a pink leash is a little much Leia.
Anakin
Nope Leia won and if she wants a pink leash so be it.
Luke
Uggg so unfair, I wish Papa was our dad and not you sometimes.
Anakin
Too bad Luke, I am your father.
Luke
Think about it Leia: if we name the puppy Mon we can pretend he is Jar Jar Binks!
(in his best Jamaican accent)
What are you doing Mon, you're tripping all over yourself again Mon, let's go for a walk out in the fresh grass Mon!
Leia
(laughing)
Ok Mon, you convinced me!
Luke
I can teach the puppy everything Papa taught me about defeating Capitalism and Democracy in all forms!!
Leia
I got a 96% on the Galactic Empire history test
Luke
I passed! Almost
Leia
barely !
Luke
That teacher needs to be investigated, that test had decidedly rebel-Democratic lean to it.
Leia
Luke you don't even know what that means you just heard the older boys saying it
Luke
I do too!
Anakin
This is a very serious matter Luke, be very sure before you condemn your teacher this way.
Luke
It’s true — I swear.
Leia
She has said some odd things in the past.
Anakin
For example?
Leia
She said that the Galactic Empire rulers are using propaganda to keep people in line.
Anakin
She did?
Palapatine
What else did she say?
Leia
She said that change by the government can be swift or slow, depending on change in ideology or even the whim of the leaders.
Anakin
Shocking!
Palapatine
The means of production are held in common, negating the concept of ownership in capital goods. Production is organized to provide for human needs directly without any use for money.
Anakin
The rule of the Galactic Empire is predicated upon a condition of material abundance, which we have.
Leia
Oh I know Papa Im just saying what she told us
Palapatine
the Galactic Empire model is perfect.
Anakin
A communist society is stateless, classless and is governed directly by the people.
Palapatine
All beings are equal now. From each citizen we get,according to his ability, what the Empire needs.
Anakin
Our society offers free-access to the articles of consumption and this system has made possible, by advances in technology, a super-abundance.
Palapatine
Indeed the perfect model of civility.
Anakin
Centralized government, planned economy, dictatorship of the "proletariat", common ownership of the tools of production, no private property. equality between genders and all people, international focus.
Palapatine
Heaven on earth.
Luke
Teacher told us that the rebels were fighting for democracy a theory where all citizens have an equal say and so are treated equally. However, it often allows for the tyranny of the majority over the minority.
Leia
She did kinda say the Galactic leaders sometimes acted like tyrants
Anakin
anything else?
Palapatine
It sounds as if she's stepped out of role of teacher and become a philosopher for the ridiculous ideas of democracy.
Anakin
oh children I'm so glad you are too young to remember the chaos that ensued when the rebels fought for democracy in our lands.
Palapatine
There was such chaos people fighting constantly, not only with words but with actual fighting and a death toll.
Anakin
It was an embarrassing time. I'm sure the rebels meant well. But stronger minds allowed law and order to prevail. With the help of men like your uncle Palapatine we have restored peace to the lands.
Leia
And now everybody can live equally
Luke
and we don't even have to think for ourselves the Empire can tell us what to worry about and what not to worry about, that gives us more time to play and have fun!
Leia
you better spend some of that time studying for the next big exam
Luke
Shut up I passed! Almost
Leia
How will you ever become a Galactic leader with your grades?
Luke
I can always be a storm trooper.
Leia
Not me I look terrible in white
Luke
You look terrible in everything!
Leia
Shut up!
Luke
At least I'm not at kiss butt like you are, you got a 96% on the tests that had rebel leanings! I was smart enough to fail! Im not a no good hippy rebel like you!
Palapatine
Luke do not say such ugly things to your sister please
Anakin
OK that's enough excitement for tonight off to bed with you two!
Luke & Leia together
OHHHH Noooo dad!
Anakin
Go
Leia
Goodnight Papa goodnight dad
Luke
Can I be there when you interview the history teacher?
Leia
Are you going to make her talk by any means necessary?
Luke
Will you cut off her air supply and kill her? Pleaseeee can't I come to watch?
Anakin
Go to bed without any more argument and I will think about it.
Luke
Thanks dad!
(Luke and Leia go off the stage)
Anakin
It has been a long time since anyone with rebel Democratic ideas has popped up on my radar.
Palapatine
These are disturbing days when teachers feel like they can take their socialist democratic leanings to the children of the Empire.
Anakin
Indeed
Palapatine
Dark days indeed my dear friend that we will deal with tomorrow. Let us now talk about important issues like that puppy. You’re not really going to let them name the dog after that hideous Jar Jar Binks or that proletariat wannabe Mon Mothma are you?
Anakin
No I will name him Chewy after my favorite pet.
Palapatine
(laughs)
Funny!