Half-Caff Fully Fed-up
Scene
Starbucks, close to Christmas, on a Friday, right after high school lets out. Sally and Amber walk to Starbucks passing groups of high school kids. Amber is chatting away and Sally looks nervous.
Characters
Sally
Amber
Barista
Jose
Group of High School Kids
Amber
OK Sally if Brett even tries to talk to you just tell him you have “no interest”. Put your nose up in the air like you just don’t care and keep going.
Sally
I’ll try
Amber-Girl you can do so much better than him anyway. I mean, what is he like crazy, your gorgeous and he’s a toad.
Sally
(laughs and covers her mouth)
Amber
He should be happy you would even look his way in the halls and he has the audacity to ditch you, as if! I am so psyched you actually agreed to go with me to Starbucks you always say you’re too busy after school. If I don’t get a pumpkin latte today I‘m going to explode. I thought I was going to fall asleep in physics oh my God could that have been any more boring?
Sally
(looking nervous) We really should start studying for that big test on Monday maybe we should skip Starbucks and just go home, I can make you coffee if you’re tired.
Amber
really Sally are you going to make me coffee like Starbucks does?
Sally
Sure
Amber
(opening the door to Starbucks) I don’t think you could
High School kid ordering
A venti iced skinny Cinnamon Dolce latte with soy milk, half the pumps of the cinnamon Dolce, with foam and whip, one scoop of whey protein, well mixed with cinnamon on top
Sally
Ok maybe not
Amber
(Laughs)
Another kid (orders)
Double Ristretto Venti Nonfat Organic Chocolate Brownie Frappuccino Extra Hot with Foam and Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended
Another kid(orders)
Grande coffee in a venti cup with 2 pumps hazelnut, 2 pumps vanilla, 2 pumps caramel, 2 equals and 4 sweet and lows filled to the top with cream, with extra cream on the side, double cupped with no sleeve, a stir stick, and stopper put in the top.
Sally (rolls her eyes)
Another order can be heard-
Venti half white mocha, half cafe vanilla, easy on the ice, with 2 shots poured appigato style over the top with whipped cream and caramel drizzle frappachino.
Sally
(looks at the board up top) Oh my Amber do you see how expensive this crap is? (looks down and counts money)
Amber
It’s not like you don’t have a job
Sally
I make like $9 an hour I have to work an entire hour to pay for one large drink, that’s nuts!
Amber
But it is soooo gooood!
Sally
So there are three prices I assume small, medium and large? I mean I think it’s large what is a Venti anyway?
Amber
I don’t know, I guess it means large.
Sally
Venti it sounds like Spanish
Boy in line
Its Italian. Grande is Italian for “large,” venti means “twenty,” and trenta is “thirty.”
Boy next to him
Why isn’t the 16-ounce size sedici Italian for sixteen, instead? (boys laugh)
Sally
(whispers to Amber) God I hate people.
Amber (ordering)
Venti Iced Skinny pumpkin spiced latte, Sugar-Free Syrup, Extra Shot, Light Ice, No Whip at 120 degrees please. 6.79? Ok here is $8 keep the change.
Barista
What can I get started for you? (Looking at Sally)
Sally
Uh I would like a cup of coffee please.
Barista
Uhhhh, like what?
Sally
Uh like coffee, you know from a pot, uh, with cream and sugar please, uh, thank you
Barista
Okay so you want an Americano or a pour over, “a short dark roast” or “a tall decaf Pike” "with room or not?”
Sally
Room for what?
Barista
(looking exasperated) okay I will give you a couple minutes to decide, why don’t you stand right here and I’ll take the guy behind you while you get your order together........ Thanks (she rolls her eyes)
Sally
Its OK Amber I think I‘m just going to hold out and get something at home (looks down sadly)
Amber
(Looking at Barista) She’ll have a short Americano with room.
Barista
Ok that will be $3.98
Sally
(hands the sales clerk four dollars)
Barista
Looks at the $4 and looks down at the tip jar overflowing with money and back up at Sally.
Sally
Uh thanks that’s all.
Barista
Ummph (under her breath) Oh and here is your two cents change (hands Sally the pennies)
Sally
(Puts the two pennies in the tip jar) Thanks
Barista
(looks down at the 2 pennies in the jar and looks back up at her in disgust)
Boy in line behind her (orders)
Tall, Half-Caff, Soy Latte At 130 Degrees and a Venti Caramel Macchiato, Skim, Extra Shot, Extra-Hot, Extra-Whip, Sugar-Free at 175 degrees.
Boy in line
Iced veni, 2 regular shots, one decaf., 3 pumps white mocha, 4 pumps gingerbread, half soy, half nonfat, 2 splenda, 3 equals, easy ice, with caramel and chocolate drizzle on top.
Sally
(whispers to Amber points at boy who just ordered) I know him. He was in my biology class, he’s dumb as a door how does he remember this complicated drink order when he can’t even remember what a vertebrae is?
Boy in Line
(talking to the kid behind him)-This dessert drink is as close to cookie dough as you can get with Starbucks. It’s a Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Frappuccino Here’s what you order: Chai creme frappuccino, Get it with with soy milk, Whipped cream blended in, Java chips blended in, Cinnamon dolce syrup (3 pumps for venti, 2.5 grande, and 2 for a tall), Chocolate whipped cream on top and Mocha drizzle-easy! The best part is they only charge you $11 bucks for it!
Amber and Sally wait for their drinks Sally taps her foot and taps her watch as a reminder that this is taking a really long time.
Barista
Amber and “Sully?”
Sally
Oh I think I’m sullen not sully. (laughs)
Amber
(Gets the 2 drinks and hands one to Sally) Ok there’s room in it for your cream and sugar
Sally looks at the table of add-ons
Sally
Good grief Amber this is as confusing as the menu was! Okay let’s see what we have here (picks up a few bottles) mocha powder, vanilla powder, nutmeg, sea salt, rock salt, pink rock table salt. I didn’t even know there was a difference between salt and salt and salt! (picking up the bottles)
Amber
Don’t forget the cream
Sally
Which cream? Whole milk, cream, 2% milk, half and half, Fat-free milk, soy milk, almond milk and here is an unmarked container what’s this?
Amber
Looks like water maybe?
Sally
Who adds water to coffee?
Boy in line
It’s not for the coffee, there is water in the chai lattes because it is a concentrate and adding water thins it out a bit. some people don’t like the water, so they ask for it without then add water themselves.
Sally
Really?
Barista
Starbucks chai is a chai concentrate and always has been. We add water to heat the tea and start activating all the good flavors and smells. Customers see us put water and assume we are diluting it and ask for no water — but actually they compromise the flavors by not giving it a chance to "steep”, our iced black tea used to be made regular — now we make it double strength and add water to it to make it just like it was prior. Ever since we started doing it people see us add water and ask for no water because they think we are cheating them by adding water or something! It’s a perception not reality Starbucks would never cheat their customers.
Sally (whispers to Amber)
I guess I shouldn’t tell them I’ve never actually had a Chai.
Amber hands Sally the pot marked half and half
Sally
Ok good now which sugar?
Amber
Well there is sugar, cane sugar, brown sugar, powered sugar, raw sugar, splenda, nutrasweet, saccharine, honey, agave, equal, liquid pump sugar and yellow packets of (holds up the packet trying to read it) something in Japanese.
Sally (laughs)
Amber
Here are nice old boring sugar packets for you.
Sally
(put in cream and sugar and takes a sip) Oh god this is horrible! It’s so bitter! How does anyone drink this? I just paid $4 bucks for this. Do you know that’s a half pound of coffee beans at Safeway. Do you know how much coffee I could make for $4?
Amber
Look you laughed at the container of water earlier and now you need it. (She takes Sally’s coffee cup and pours some out and adds water from the carafe)
Sally
Ok now I get the water, this almost tastes like something I could ingest. The worst coffee I ever made at home taste better than this.
Amber (elbows Sally in the side to get her to notice the boy staring at her)
Sally
Hi Jose
Jose
Hi you seemed far too intelligent to bother with this nonsense (waving his hands around including the people he was with to indicate the coffee silliness)
Sally
It is so popular Amber thought I should probably give it a try but to be honest I just don’t understand why people bother if this is going to be the end result (holding up her coffee)
Jose
(laughs) I think high-schoolers feel it’s a badge of honor if they can actually get through the ordering process. Mexican coffee is 10 times better than that crap and it actually tastes like something we would want to drink.
Sally
(shyly smiles) So you don’t actually order coffee here?
Jose
I work too hard for my money, I make better coffee at home. Aren’t you in my physics class?
Sally
Yes Amber and I are both in physics with you.
Jose
Maybe after school Monday we can go to my house and I’ll make you some real coffee.
Sally (Smiles)
Uh sure
Jose
Ok Kool! See you in class Monday! (Walks away with the boys who had the complicated order)
Sally
(to Amber) I love Starbucks!
Sally and Amber (both girls laugh)